01 February 2008

How To Get Your Passport

I have often been asked, "How do you travel?" and I answer that it is all in the details. It is not some deep mystery with its roots in a troubled childhood, a mother that made me read the classics, or a pact with the devil. Or it might be. But regardless of that, or anything else, it is still the details that will allow you to see the Pyramids, Paris, Gary, Indiana, any of those places you have dreamed about. So, all you Americans out there, I ask you this one simple question, "Do you have your Passport?"

Because if you don't, you aren't going anywhere except maybe Kentucky. And if you aren't from the United States you aren't going there. Not that I would particularly recommend going to Kentucky anyway, the fried chicken is usually better in Tennessee, but it is pretty sad that a passel of furriners has their passports and you, Mr. or Mrs. American can't even leave your own country. Because you can't if you don't have one. Other countries have rules too.

So this is what you do, this is all you need to do: Go to the Post Office or local court house and ask for an application (they will tell you what to do). Ask for another one for your friend. Fill out the application. You will need a pen to do this. Get two pictures, Passport approved, taken. Any AAA office will do this and quite a few places where they develop film and print pictures will as well. In other words, they make Passport pictures all over the place and if you ask around someone will tell you where to do it.

Mail pictures and application with a check or money order to wherever they tell you to send it. In a few weeks you will get your Passport with your ugly damn picture on it. Then you are free to travel. Before that you are not. Don't put it off. Get the damn thing and the world is your clam. Or oyster, or mussel or perhaps badger. Yes, that's it. Get your passport and the world is your badger.


Anonymous Lena said...

The problem is when you turn out looking like a terrorist on the photo in your passport. Sure I can travel - but what country will have me?

2:47 PM  
Blogger Journal of A Novel said...

Tell me about it. I once got held up on my return trip from Germany because they thought I looked exactly like some German girl planting trash can bombs all around Berlin. Took me 3 hours to prove I wasn't German and further more didn't have a clue how to make a bomb.

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Lena said...

Hahaha! That's hysterical.

Damn. Now I really wont dare to travel...

3:07 AM  
Blogger Journal of A Novel said...

Nah, don't stop traveling. Just check InterPol's most wanted list and make sure you don't resemble anyone before you leave.

6:49 AM  
Anonymous Lena said...

Wow, 58 pages of most wanted.

Bojana Mitic, from Serbia, wanted in United Arab Emirates for thefts, was the closest I found.

But she looks much more swedish than I do.


7:29 AM  
Blogger Journal of A Novel said...

I could get you into the UAE, no problem. I have lots of connections there. :)

7:50 AM  

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